I do not have the greatest memory. I think with having children, it is MUCH harder to recall certain things. (Maybe I need to up my dose of Omegas to help my memory improve… but I can’t remember where I put them) But when I do remember something, especially from my childhood or past, the details are very vivid.
June 8, 2013. It started like any typical day. I got myself and my son dressed and headed out to tackle every day errands. I remember standing by a computer at the salon I used to work at when the phone rang. It wasn’t going to be a normal every-day kind of day.
My Paw Paw Rodney had a lot of health issues. We knew for some time that he might pass, but he just kept being the crazy man that my family knew and loved. God gave us more time with him than we ever anticipated. Paw Paw Rodney was a complete jokester in every sense of the word. He could always make people laugh. Even though he told the same jokes over and over, he would still tell them each time with just as much enthusiasm. Paw Paw was the life of any party!
When I received the phone call that he had passed away, it crushed my heart. We were very close. The crazy thing was that even though his health wasn’t the best, the doctors said he was doing okay. I thought I would have more time with him. I was in shock and denial that he was gone.
I took his death extremely hard; mainly because I was not sure if he had really accepted Jesus as his Savior. My dad prayed the sinner’s prayer with him many times, but I wondered if he really meant it. He was the type of person that really did not want to hear anything about God or church and he tuned it out. My heart was so heavy and grieved because he did not attend church and as an outsider looking into his life, Paw Paw did not live a visible Christian life.
I know that is why I wept so hard after his passing. I remember catching my breathe after crying hysterically and saying to my dad over the phone, “Is he in heaven? Will I ever see him again?” Those questions weighed so heavily on my heart.
I sincerely hope and pray that he accepted Jesus into his heart before he took his last breathe, but I can’t say that I honestly know for sure. I wish I would’ve talked to him more about Jesus. I wish I would’ve taken the time to tell him all the wonderful things about Jesus and about heaven. I wish I would’ve shared the message of the cross with him one more time (Even though he would’ve rolled his eyes about it!). I wish I could tell him just how much I love him and how much Jesus loved him. I wish I would’ve had MORE time. I pray that even though I didn’t voice it very much, that my life spoke louder than my words.
I know God has a purpose and plan for our lives. We will never know why certain things happen and we may NEVER understand, but I know that I never want to miss out on another chance to share Jesus with people. It is my hope that one day, those I share with, will be in eternity, in God’s glorious presence.
